Hormones...?

 We’ve spent a lot of time this year learning about the different stages of development our future students will go through, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  So, having been surrounded by that, I should’ve realized sooner how much of a crucial moment we are all going through ourselves as people in their early 20’s making the transition into the real world.  For myself, I’ve known about the real world in the sense that its there and will contain ___, ___, and ___ factors.  I’ve known it’s been waiting, and that with graduation I will be bumped out into it in a real and terrifying way; as a teacher, as someone who should be solid and have a stable life base to stand on for the students, I should have it all figured out by now, right?

Yea, feel free to insert a laugh track there. 

The thing is, I have practically nothing figured out.  It took me months to figure out my life with a dog in it, it’s not like I’m flexing giant change-is-easy muscles.  Plus, it’s being in a new situation and time in my life, just when I thought I had undergrad figured out, boom, here we are in grad school and I’m 5 months away from job hunting for reals.  That’s what scares me, learning to live a healthy adult life, learning how to do all the stuff I want to and having the guts to go for it without falling apart.  I have a lot to explore and do, I’m not sure what direction I want to go in, where I want to apply, where I want to live, what is really important to have where I live for my first job.  For the first time in college, I am not drooling over the idea of being in a relationship. 

Now, this is actually the topic of this blog post, because I’m figuring out some stuff about that.  I feel so up in the air right now that I want to be selfish; I want to figure out what I want without any influence or pressure from an outside obligation.  Unless it’s from Sherman.  But let’s be real, he’s requests are that we go for lots of walks and that he gets 10 Greenies a day. I just want to survive this year and wade through the possibilities of where Sherman and I will live next year, and that’s it.  In fact, when I was asked last week if I was married, I didn’t even feel an inner qualm about saying I was single. 

Granted, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I want in that regard, and while I want a family in the future, I know I am not guaranteed to ever get that.  I do not want my identity and self-esteem tied up in something that isn’t guaranteed to happen, and I definitely don’t want to be so desperate for it that I don’t wait for the right person.  I want to be completely alive in my own life, out and doing things and meeting people and laughing and loving my friends and family.  That way I figure, if I’m totally alive and available, love will find its way in when it’s the right time.

So that’s the base I’ve built up from, and while I’m disappointed my program isn’t entirely made of single men (well who wouldn’t dream of that, right? ;), I don’t feel like my quality of life is suffering from it.  In fact, what actually bothers me is that the people who are single in the group seem very depressed about it.  I was under the impression that the early 20’s were fun and flirty and for exploring the dating world.  And then my Facebook feed started filling up with white dresses and babies and I realized… whoa, we’re at that age?? 

And a lot of my friends are feeling it.  I regularly weather the transition from, “let’s go out and have fun and flirt and kiss boys!” to a soul-searching gaze and “do you think I will ever get married??”  Friday night, I had a friend tell me it was ok and fun to be single now….but by the time we’re 30…

Now, my response to her was that her self-confidence in singledom shouldn’t have an age expiration date.  She skeptically agreed, and I spent a few days frustrated that girls do that to themselves.  Later, I realized that while I deal with my insecurities over what I want for myself living-wise in the next couple years, my friends are dealing with insecurities about ever finding love.  It’s like this program is preying on our weaknesses, we get tired and stressed and fall down into pits of doubt about something in the future.  We’re all just growing up, and dealing with different aspects of it. 

In fact, one of the books I’m reading has a scientific explanation for what’s going on.  Go science!  And it’s a hormone, of course, one called oxytocin.  Turns out that men and women react different under stress.  According to Mackie Shilstone and his (her?) book, The Fat-Burning Bible,

“Men usually respond with the classic fight-or-flight behavior, increased arousal, and greater risk taking…it is now becoming clear that women more often manage stress by seeking out bonding activities…Oxytocin buffers the fight-or-flight response in women and instead encourages them to care for children and bond with other women…These tending or befriending behaviors cause the body to release more ocytocin, producing a further calming affect.”    

 After reading this, my first reaction was an epiphany about my dog.  As in, probably should have named him Oxytocin and called this blog beingawesomewithoxy.  But then I probably would’ve had a whole different set of readers.  OK, probably for the best.  It also makes sense that this year is the most social I have ever been then too.  Hormones.  It’s all making sense.

Anyway, here we are, we get stressed and men want to be all wild and crazy and women want to cuddle stuff.  Add to that the fact that the people in my program are all working in schools and intensely caring for the lives of over 100 students and it only makes sense that we glom onto the idea of love and relationships, or get dogs and cats, or feel that it might be socially acceptable to ask strangers if they want to be friends. 

Hormones.  In a way, they’ve made me on the same page as my middle schoolers, or at least reminded me to have more patience with other people’s struggles as we deal with our own interesting and complicated age.  So here’s to you early 20’s, you confusing, contradicting, cesspool of fun!